Blessing In Disguise
A month ago, today, at this hour, I lost a part of me. I am done hiding this as if it's some dark, deep, shameful secret.
I don't think most people truly understand how much is lost when a baby dies. You don't just lose a baby, but all the important milestones; the first birthday, first word, first walk- all the firsts.
I don't know how was I able to be very calm when I heard, "there's no heartbeat anymore."
But when reality finally set in, mine skipped a bit. I had mentally and emotionally prepared myself the day before, but to really hear it vocalised...pained me. Even the contraction pain was almost painless. Keyword being: almost. Haha.
I had no one to talk to in this foreign land, but my husband. It was quite tough for me cause he's...well, a man... Men don't do sob topics. Even worse, when he happens to be a doctor. He was in his doctor mode that entire night- feelingless, emotionless. But, when reality finally sank in, he climbed onto my hospital bed, clung to me like a small child and silently weeped...
😢
It hurt to lose our baby. Especially when I know that I would always wonder of what would have been if the baby survived...
It pained me. Though, F's hugs and kisses made me feel thousand times better...
Mum, gramma, and the rest of my clan flew over a week after. Only God knew what a huge relief it was for me to see familiar faces. Well, until they smothered me with weird smelled oils, and made me drink disgusting herbs and had me wrapped in corsets...
I am surprised I survived all the tortures that they had so jovially inflicted upon me. Lol.
Despite our unfortunate event, I kept telling myself that things happen for a reason and God would not burden His creation beyond what one can bear.
There are so many women out there, who would do anything and give everything to have their heads in the toilet at every waking hour if it means to carry a baby into this world, therefore, I am extremely grateful for the opportunity God had blessed me with. Even it was only for a few weeks...
If only I remembered my condition and had not overworked myself... Oh well, here's to hoping that my next journey is going to make it to the finale! 😊
#fingerscross #thesoonerthebetterhehe #shouldhavetestedearlier
xo,
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kuatnya awak! indeed he did not burden the soul beyond what they can bear. may Allah bless you with the beautiful patience in the face of your loss and compensate you with something better and shower upon you endless blessing my dear!
omg babe! im so sorry to hear! u xcte pown! be strong k... ada rezki lain insyallah
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